The Apprentice Nigeria – Part 2

I wrote a while ago about my experiences of being part of the group of friends who took the bride price to the family of the girl who Tabari (the assistant in the therapy Department at Evangel Hospital) wanted to marry.  It was quite an experience, but that wasn’t to be last of the things that needed to be done before Tabari could marry Elizabeth.

Plans were all going ahead and the date of the wedding was set for 6^th March 2010.  I was part of the ‘men in suit’, like the best man and Ushers I guess in a traditional UK wedding.  Our role was to assist Tabari in preparations for the wedding and to represent him at the different events and things prior to actual day.  So firstly we had to go to the send-forth for the bride.  There were three of these, one in the village where her mum lives, one in the village where her Uncle (who brought her up after her a Dad died) lives and then one in Jos.  The first one was in Kaduna City in Kaduna state about 3-4 hours North-west of Jos on Friday 19^th February.  As I was the only one with transport, I was the one that had to drive, so early (6am) on the 19^th February I set out from my compound, first to the petrol station to queue for 2 hours to get fuel and then to the hospital to pick up the rest of the people who were going.  We eventually got going by about 9am.  The trip was due to take about 3 hours, but we had to stop on the way for Joseph to greet his family in a village near Kagoro.  Joseph’s sister-in-law had just died so he wanted to show his respects to his brother.  It was interesting to see the way the way that in his village they bury people underneath their houses.  So when we got there they were digging a big hole in the floor of one of the rooms ready to bury the body.  After doing the required greeting and eating some of the local Kunu (a drink of rice and peanuts I think) we then headed off to Kaduna.  After  while we eventually reached Kaduna City and then after a little bit of driving around and asking for directions we made it to the house of Elizabeth’s mother and the location for the send-forth celebration.

We first greeted the family and ate the lunch of beans and sauce, which was very nice, and a mineral (soft drink).  Apparently this meal is only served to very important visitors.  Then the celebrations began.  There was basically a time of prayer for the bride and then time for people to bring gifts for the bride and then a time for dancing.  The dancing involved the ‘spraying’ of money on the bride and anyone else who people felt like.  So the bride would stand in the middle dancing and then people would dance up to her and get out money and throw it at her or sometimes stick it to her forehead (thankfully they only have paper money in Nigeria otherwise this could be dangerous!!).  It was important for everyone to join in so I had to throw my English reserve to the wind and get up and join in.  When I decided to do this it was greeted with my excitement by the people there.  They were amazed to see a white person dancing and apparently dancing well too!!  So although the bride was supposed to be the one people were focused on, it like all eyes were on me, especially when people started sticking money to my forehead too.  But it was all good fun really and I was pleased to be able to provide some entertainment for everyone.  Then there came a time for the men in suit to present their gifts/money.  But to start with, rather than everyone coming up they asked just me to get up.  They asked why I was here and I said to represent Tabari and so then they said, ‘well as you are representing Tabari you have to take his place and dance with the bride’.  I wasn’t quite sure what this meant and when they started playing some provocative R’n’B music I really wasn’t sure!!  Thankfully the bride looked just as unsure and the music was soon and changed thankfully the rest of the men in suit soon came to my rescue and joined me in the middle of the dance floor.  So, after a bit more spraying of money and more dancing the celebrations were over and it was time for us to go to our accommodation for the night.

Joseph had another brother who lives in Kaduna city so we were due to stay there for the night.  So we made our back to where he lives and settled down for the night.  It was obvious that were off the Plateau as the weather was much hotter and more humid.  It was really difficult to sleep especially with the noise of the busy road just outside the door that was open in the hope of getting some breeze.  I tossed and turned for a while and then was disturbed by another sensation.  There was something crawling on my leg.  I wasn’t sure what it was but I brushed it away and then heard whatever it was land on the plastic covered floor and then scuttle back towards me again and crawl up my leg.  This time I turned my light on to see what it was and as I did this Joseph, who was sleeping next to me, helped as well.  Judging by the speed he moved I guess he was worried that it might have been a snake, but thankfully it was only a huge cockroach!!!  We managed to deal with one of them but a little later I had the same crawling feeling, I brushed it away and then it scuttled back.  I was having enough, I didn’t care that the cockroach was crawling over me I just wanted it to wait until I was asleep.  Needless to say, I was very glad when it got to 6 am and it was time to get up and travel back to Jos.

The journey back to Jos was pretty uneventful apart from a brief stop in Kagoro and another place for another person in the group to greet someone.  We also narrowly missed having a bird fly straight into the windscreen but luckily it just missed but managed to mangle the aerial instead.  So, by about 11.30 we were back in Jos.

So that was one send-forth down, two to go.  The next one was the next weekend on 27^th February.  This was in the village of Elizabeth’s uncle who had brought her up.  I was not able to go to this one but some of the other men in suit went, along with Tabari.  This apparently went well apart from the fact that whilst they were there they were given a whole list of extra things that Tabari needed to give the family before he could marry Elizabeth.  This amounted to about N30,000 worth if things that Tabari had to get together in just one week.  So throughout the next week he and others in the men in suit went about trying to get as much as they could.

The last send-forth was on Thursday 4^th March and this was very straight forward.  It was a celebration which involved prayers and then the usual dancing and spraying of money again.  However, the next day we had a more difficult task to accomplish.  We had to present the items that Tabari had been able to get together to Elizabeth’s Uncle for acceptance for the go ahead of the wedding.  So Friday 5^th March we headed to the family home in Jos with the items that we had (salt, cloth, live chicken, dead goat, tomatoes, oil, minerals (soft drinks) and a number of other things) and presented them to the family with apologies that it was not complete.  This did not go down very well and despite whatever the best man said the items were not accepted.  Elizabeth’s Uncle was not happy that what his family as a whole had decided was required had not been produced.  He was adamant that they would not be accepted by him unless it was fully complete or unless we were able to take them to the village and explain to the rest of the family why it was not complete.  So we had to leave and go back to Tabari’s house with all the goods and decide on a plan of action.  There was nothing we could do that night as it was getting close to curfew time so we just resolved to come back straight after curfew the next morning, the day of the wedding (hopefully), and try to sort it out then.

I got to Tabari’s at about 7am and found out that the plan was that Tabari was not able to get any more of the items so we were just going to have to go back and beg for the items to be accepted.  I was not sure this was a good idea as Elizabeth’s uncle didn’t seem like he would change his mind but I didn’t really know how these things work.  However, despite the pastor who was due to lead the ceremony that afternoon being there to help, Elizabeth’s Uncle was still adamant that the items would not be accepted.  We didn’t have anything else we could do so we tried to scrape together some money, and left this with some of the group of friends (others who were helping Tabari with the preparations) to try to sort out.  The men in suit had to go and get changed and ready for the wedding (that was hopefully going to happen) as it was already 9.30 and the wedding was due to start at 10.  We went to Joseph’s house and got changed into our suits there.  It was nice to get dressed up into a suit made especially for me and when we were all ready we definitely looked the part.  So we drove to the church and assembled outside.  It was now about 10.30, funnily enough we were late, but we then had to make our entrance into the church.  The theme of dancing was one that continued from the send-forths and so we had to dance our way into the church and down the aisle to our seats at the front.  We then had to wait for the bride to arrive.  Thankfully, after about 20 minutes we got word that she was on her way.  I don’t know how it got sorted out but it seemed that the items we had presented and maybe the money we had got together had now been accepted and the wedding could go ahead.  So the bride was lead down the aisle by her Uncle and the ceremony went ahead.  The vows were said and the documents signed and then it was time for the offering.  This called for more dancing and as everyone danced up to the front to put their offering in the basket they moved to the music as only Africans can.  It was quite an experience really and everyone was having a great time.  Then it was time for the men in suit to dance to the front so once again I threw English caution to the wind and moved to the beat as best I could and after putting my money in the basket I moved back to my seat.  Afterwards the pastor leading the service announced he had two things to say.  Firstly to the mother of the bride he said ‘Your Husband dances better than you’ something that is unusual I guess.  Then secondly he said to the men in suit ‘the bature (white man) dances better than all of you!!!’.  Once again, I didn’t really know what I had done, but I was just pleased to have been able to join in the celebrations.

After the service there were pictures taken followed by a reception outside under canopies.  The men in suit and bridesmaids had to dance to our seats once again, then there were some speeches by various people followed by more dancing and spraying of money.  As I was talking to some of the people there it was amazing how appreciative people were of my presence there.  They thanked me for taking part in the celebrations and commented on my dancing skills!!!  It was strange as I didn’t really feel like I had done much, but people seemed to really appreciate my embracing of the culture and taking part fully in the celebrations.  It was really good fun and it was a little disappointing that it all had to finish so soon as the curfew was looming.  So after dropping a few people off home I was able to head home myself.  After having left home just after curfew and returned home just before it, the day was over, the Apprentice task successfully completed and Tabari and Elizabeth were beginning their married life together.

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